WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

FOUND FORTUNE COOKIE MESSAGE OF THE DAY

TEA???

FOUND PHOTO OF THE WEEK: MAYBE PARTYING WILL HELP

GIMME 5 REASONS

I found this near the local elementary school. I think they're pretty good reasons, but it does depend on what's being forgiven.

LEAD

FIXED THE TV

CAT OUT OF FOOD?

A little emotional blackmail can go a long way.

FOUND PHOTO OF THE WEEK: PARTY 'TIL THE WORLD OBEYS!

I LOVE YOU MUMMY

SEE YOU LATER

This is from the foreign language section of my found archive.
There is something in the note that warrants two exclamation marks, I'd love to know what it says, but maybe somethings should just remain a mystery.

FOUND POEM OF THE WEEK

BE HAPPY THERE'S HOPE FOR TREES

Today's finds are an attempt to reflective the small shoot of optimism that is trying to grow inside of me on this beautiful spring day.

FRENCH SMUT

This was in a used copy of Georges Bataille's Story of the eye. I wonder if she ever wrote that 'warm note' to thaw out his St. Louis winter?

I'M ON THE GUEST LIST

I found this near my local community center, where they host punk and hardcore shows for the neighborhood kids. Being on the guest list is like temporarily having super powers, the throng at the door is parted and you utter those five magic words "I'm on the guest list" and for that brief moment you are cool.

HECKLER OF THE MONTH

Dick Cheney is told to "go fuck yourself Mr Cheney" on live TV
http://www.tian.cc.nyud.net:8090/gofuckyourselfcheney.mov

FAKING IT?

One of these has got to be a fake....I never had the balls to try and attempt such a deception....but if it gets you a day off school, more power to you.

BEST RESULTS/HOLD UP BUTTON

To some people these instructions have a banal familiarity; the repetition of a performed task.
But without the appropriate knowledge they become somewhat abstract and absurd...I like that.

WHAT KIND OF COOKIE ARE YOU?

I was a low fat jammy-dodger, sprinkled with hemp seeds!

REASSESSMENTS

The mysteriousness of a found object is one of the things that fascinates me. Bureaucratic forms, instruction manuals, and random sets of numbers, become esoteric poetry.

MUST LOVE DOGS

Come on! what kind of pedant would put corrective margin notes on a kids poster ?

NATIVE MAN

Found this on the way to the liquor store, it's a good day for finding stuff, it's the day after recycling, bits of paper blow out of the box or are dropped by the pick up guys.

NOTE TO SELF

THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU

SEXY BEAST

I found this where I find most notes of this nature...... stuck to my bedroom door! and I have absolutely no idea what it means.

ZOMBIE SEX SLAVE

These were found in the basement of a house I used to live in. Like many basements in many cities it had been converted into a band practice space, and amongst the beer cans, broken drumsticks and cracked cymbals, I found a stack of papers. Praise be to him!

ZOMBIE SEX SLAVE

I call on satan and the serpent
as I weave my spell
your flesh becomes my servant
and your soul is cast to hell

(chorus) your a zombie sex slave to me
you'll be a zombie sex slave for eternity

theres no escape from this pain
I fuck your mind and your brain
I rape your carcass and your soul
I penetrate your rotting hole

your flesh is now an empty shell
your soul screams and burns in hell

get down on your knees
give praise to the serpent
sacrifice your children in the
name of satan

OOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

chorus

YOUR NEIGHBOURS

I love this one, there is so much going on. The choice of headed letter paper has an audacious flare that I can't help but admire.

A friend of mine found this(thanks T.) and passed it on to me today, it's my new favorite!

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DIRTY DOODLE # 1

I found this, where I find most things, in the street.

"What is not in the open street is false, derived, that is to say, literature."
Henry Miller.

This would have to be in my top ten of favorite found notes. Most notes exchanged between roommates are tinged with a certain passive aggressive undercurrent, especially those written on Post-it®'s

Dave, It appears we have a fruit fly problem. Thus when you take out the garbage:

#1 Make sure the lid has not been opened for a while and all fruit flys are inside.
#2 Pick up whole container of garbage can (also grab a clean bag) and take the unopened unit outside.
#3 Close the patio door.
#4 Pull out garbage tie it up, replace clean bag.
#5 Wait a few minutes for the flys to disperse, then open door fast, bring in stuff, and close fast.

I found this yesterday in a used book: In Watermelon Sugar by Richard Brautigan. With the help of a friend who has a gift for deciphering difficult to read handwriting, we were able to come up with this translation.

though our window
I see
one of the local toughs
walking gorilla like
down the street
he spits in the gutter

oh how I'd like to
kick his balls up in
though that snot filled snout

But I catch myself short
poets just don't go around
kicking people except with words