Listening to the radio to fill the gap that is left. Two mugs on the table, double set of dirty dishes.
Who's going to feed the spiders now. I should have let you teach me chess earlier, not two days before you went.
My sadness is real
that's what makes me happy.
M. has left today, back to London, then from there he is uncertain. We hugged each other before he boarded the departing bus. It was a genuine embrace. I no longer have time for false displays to prove I'm not up tight. I want to be economical with my touch, so that it becomes more than a social device. Rather an honest hand shake than an awkward hug acted out with hollowness. It's easy to fake it and carry on faking it until you get so far from yourself that a way back seems treacherous and foolhardy.
I have jumped through hoops with a painted face; others laughter buried me and I snuggled down deep in my death womb.
Why would I want to crawl out now, and risk the vulnerability of birth?
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3 comments:
crawl out while everyone is sleeping....shhhh. i could hug you genuinly...oh you should see the sky right now, it is violet and orange...so magnificant!
But I'm afraid to be the only one awake when the house is so cold and still.
and if it is warm and still?
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