THE STRUGGLE

Struggling to squeeze out a shit in the morning without bursting a hemorrhoid. Struggling to remember how many favors I owe, how many couches I've slept on. Struggling to make the words "THANK YOU" sound bigger than they are. Struggling to recognize love in familiar faces. Struggling to match a child's energy....one more push on the swing.....one more horsey ride....one more glass of water....one more withered flower in my pocket. "Yes, yes it is beautiful"... No really look at it this time. Oh christ when did I stop noticing the simple beauty?
Struggling to remember the facts. How many people were massacred in Colombia, Mexico, Zimbabwe, and what was that guys name who was killed by the cops? Struggling to reach out to a grieving family... I have a knotted fist inside my chest that wants to open up and take you by the hand. Struggling with the white trash, soup kitchen, free food white pastry coffee bagel dumpster diet. For every 20lb of food you consume you get an 1 ounce of nutrition. Struggling with self diagnosed depression and self administered narcotic drug therapies. Struggling with the knowledge that my father lost his eye because of Thatchrism. Struggling not to laugh at inappropriate moments. Struggling to tolerate another middle-class activist talking shit......